Crying Over Kindergarten

I loved this piece on the topic of raising third culture kids (children growing up in a country other than their passport country) by Richelle Wright. She writes, "What if some of what I consider so traumatic and so difficult and so worthy of tears I perceive that way primarily because I have preconceived ideas based on my own childhood and growing up of how things should be and how I would have reacted? " She adds, “Maybe what I expect to be their struggles are just normal (for them)…perhaps those circumstances I believe they’ll breeze right through are the ones that will be the greatest challenges.” I totally related to these feelings, and appreciated these insights, especially remembering the experience of putting Naomi into preschool in Vienna…

So here we were, Day One. Me, in my third trimester of pregnancy, sitting in a wheeled office chair in the back of the room, trying to go unnoticed, but occassionally having to say “hi” to the curious preschooler who would come over to stare at or show something to the very pregnant stranger in the room. Naomi, exploring all of the wonderful toys and craft stations in the room and attempting to understand what was going on and make friends. Quite overwhelming! For her, and maybe moreso for me. Naomi would try to participate but get frustrated that she didn’t understand what the teacher was saying in German. After saying a few loud and insistent “NO’s!” in English, she would come running to me in tears saying that she wanted to go home, not understanding why she had to endure this torture.

I didn’t know what to say! I felt like all I could do was helplessly watch her struggle. I couldn’t change the circumstances for her. I had no power to somehow make her instantly learn German. I couldn’t make her 2 1/2-year-old mind understand that all of this was for her ultimate good, the ability to speak German and to make friends. I counseled her the only way I knew how. “Sweetie, I’m sorry it’s hard and you don’t understand. It will get easier. Watch the other kids and do what they are doing.” Of course, I meant what the obedient kids were doing…I was just hoping that would be the majority!

It was a heart-wrenching experience for me, as I unconsciously also super-imposed all of my insecurities and fears from years of life experience onto what I was seeing happen. MY life experience. The kicker was when I saw Naomi, after several failed attempts to communicate with the kids in English or play with someone, bravely walk up to a girl working a puzzle alone, and ask in English, “Hi, my name is Naomi, will you play with me?” In that moment, I was so proud of her and heartbroken all at the same time. Tears started streaming down my face. I couldn’t keep them in anymore.

Fast forward 6 weeks, and I’m riding the bus from home to the kindergarten to pick up Naomi after lunch. Expecting her standard answer of, “I cried”, to my question of how her morning was, she responded with, “I had fun!” Praise God! Fast forward 5 months, and I’m the one sad to say goodbye to Naomi’s class for a time as we prepare for our 8-month stay in the States. Missing the teachers that were such an encouragement to me as a mom during a rough transition for our family. Naomi thinks of and talks about her class from time to time, and I hope that she will be able to join in with the same class when we return. It may be like “coming home” for her, or it may be quite a re-entry struggle, but either way, trusting God every step of the way is our only hope. May He continue to give us wisdom as parents, helping our children navigate well the waters of living in a different culture, all the while striving to do so ourselves in a way that honors Him.

#blog #fa

by Liz Eck

First Days in Kindergarten

People often ask what school is like in Vienna and though we don’t have much experience, I thought I would share a little bit about our journey putting our eldest daughter in Kindergarten, which is German for preschool. Finding a Kindergarten had been a year-long process of ups and downs, both logistically and emotionally, but all of that is for a different post. At any rate, once we found a Kindergarten we soon found out that the way they handled welcoming a child into school was different than what we might expect.

When the day had finally arrived, we had been instructed to show up at 10:00 in the morning, an hour after the first activities of the class had begun, in order to begin our first “trial period.” At the time there were a couple of other new students, and the teachers wanted to stagger the arrival times of the “criers.” The process, which is fairly standard among all preschools/kindergartens in Vienna, would go like this: a trial period of Naomi in the classroom (with Mommy sitting in the back) for up to an hour or so for the first three days; then possibly extending the time up to 1 1/2 to 2 hours over the following few days, with Mommy waiting in the hallway; the following week we would let Naomi stay 2 to 2 1/2 hours with Mommy available by cell phone and within walking distance. Then, after that, I would probably be able to drop Naomi off for the full 3-hour morning and go home, depending on how Naomi was “adjusting” and how at-home she felt there.

As you can imagine, this process led to many tearful days, both for mother and child, but in the end Naomi finally adjusted and was able to stay for the whole morning by herself. Personally, I would have preferred to rip the bandage off quickly, but we don’t always get to make those kinds of choices. We often find out that our two cultures have differing values when we least expect it. In these moments we ask for extra wisdom and grace to navigate these waters.

#blog

by Liz Eck

Video Update May 2014

Ecksfiles Video Update May 2014 from Matt Eck on Vimeo.

Firsts: Our Week in Pictures (2.16.14-2.22.14)

This week was Evangeline's first big outing. Can't you tell she is excited?

We rode the U-bahn to get where we were going.

Big sister came along too.

This week was also Evie's first real bath.

Waiting for Evangeline

We wait no more! Evangeline Pearl Eck is here! While we were waiting, though I took pictures and documented them in a short video like the one that I did for Naomi. I hope you enjoy.

Waiting for Evangeline from Matt Eck on Vimeo.

Our Year In Pictures

Rain Rain Go Away: Pictures from May 5th- May 18th)

It’s been raining a lot for the last couple of weeks…

…which has given us a chance to try out Naomi’s new Regenmantel…

…and has caused everything to bloom.

Blogger Labels: Rain,Away,Pictures,Naomi,Regenmantel

Labor Day: Our Week in Pictures (April 28th- May 4th)

 

Russ and I were busy getting things ready for our new teammates- Here we are looking at an apartment for them…

…May 1st (Labor Day) is always the annual Calvary Church picnic…

…We snapped the photo on the right of Naomi at last years picnic-so hard to believe she’s grown so much in just a year!

If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Making Memories: Our Week in Pictures (April 14th-April 20th 2013)

Someone is trying to grow up too fast...

...mommy took a day off this weekend so daddy and Naomi had a day to themselves...

...and with Matt in better health He and Liz finally celebrated their 5th wedding anniversary. 

If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Spring Celebrations: Our Week in Pictures (April 7th-April 13th 2013)

We finally got to enjoy some spring weather here so we went out for the first ice cream of the season...

...we also celebrated the fact the we received extensions on our Austrian visas... 

...we also celebrated five wonderful years of marriage!

If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Musical History: Our Week in Pictures (Mar.17th-Mar. 23rd 2013)

This week Liz and I finally got some time to enjoy some of the musical history of the city...

...we enjoyed a concert at Schubert's birthplace for a date night...

...and we spent a family day in the the "House of Music"

If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Our Week in Pictures (Mar.10th-Mar. 16th 2013)

A few random pictures this week...this is the central station in Veinna (Wien Mitte)

And this is our subway station...as you can see it's gotten colder this week.

We ended the week on a high note with our BTCP class meeting at our apartment for a concetraited weekend of class.

If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Our Week in Pictures (Feb. 24th-Mar. 2nd 2013)

Last week was Naomi's second birthday...

...we celebrated with family thanks to Skype...

...and we even had a special day at the Zoo!

If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Our Week in Pictures (Feb. 10th-16th 2013)

Last week was cold and snowy. The snow started Tuesday morning early when Matt was at the church...







...and went through Wednesday night when Matt was a heading to the Oasis refugee ministry center.















Liz and Naomi managed to keep warm though :)

















If you would like to see all of our pictures like our Facebook page (top right hand box), follow our twitter feed, or follow us on Instagram (texmeck).

Fall in our Neighborhood

View from our balcony on the national holiday: flags flying from the second largest government housing building in Vienna, with 1467 apartments, located on Friederich Engels Platz

Naomi at our favorite park down by the river walk

The park has a certain old-fashioned charm

Yes, Mommy wears her cowgirl boots in Vienna!

Naomi investigating a pedal on the merry-go-round contraption. Regular trains and subway trains use the bridge in the background.

Naomi walking and running around and around the merry-go-round

This stationary boat houses a school!

Shopping: Bring Your A-Game

Grocery Shopping is a contact sport here in Austria. It takes precise planning and execution and a fair amount of aggression. First,you must always go in with a plan. Not only so that you don't break the bank, but because unless you have a car, you must carry everything home with you. This either means you need to shop every day or you have to have the physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because Europe is frantically green, you will have to either bring your shopping bags with you or be ready to pay for them at the counter. Aside from your reusable bag and your sparse shopping list you will need to make sure that you have either a one euro or fifty eurocent coin with you. This is so that you can have a deposit for a shopping cart because heaven forbid those would be open for everyone to use. Now you are ready to walk the few blocks down to your local grocery store. Hopefully the weather is not inclement,which would necessitate weather gear and more planning. Once you have made the hike to the store the fun really begins. First you must get your cart. If this is a busy time, which is likely, you will need to watch out for the people both getting and returning carts. Especially take care not to disturb the people returning them, they just went through the ringer and only want to collect their deposit and get out of there. Carefully you put your coin in the slot and with luck your cart will release from the chain of others. Once you are away from the chaos of the front door you can relax for a moment and look t the fresh bread and rolls around you. This is a mine field,however, if you are like me and trying to stay away from carbs. Austrians do not abide day-old bread so there is never a lack of rolls and pastries assaulting your senses. You resist the urge to pick up that cream filled cloche and push on towards the produce. The produce section is the first of many logjams and for good reason. By the price of your item, which never actually corresponds to its exact location, is a number that you must memorize. This is because all of your produce need to weighed and the number tells the scale which item you have.After this you now hit the narrow aisles and now the elbowing dance to find the rest of the items on your list begins. This is further complicated by the store employees who have chosen this moment to stock the store, since no one can seem to arrive at the store early or work late to do this. You scour the aisles realizing either that peanut butter is longer available at that store or that you forgot that this store doesn’t carry the brand of cereal that you like, but for the most part you have what you came for. Don’t get too cocky because the worst is yet to come. Now you make a beeline for the registers. Usually at this point there is only one register open and a line backed up well into the aisles. You shrug off your need for personal space as you know that if you do not aggressively hold your place in line some overly zealous shopper will find a way to cut in front of you. Then you hear the phrase that turns a relatively orderly line into utter chaos, “Zweite Kasse, bitte!” The call to open up a second register has been sounded and now the entire line is bristling with potential energy. We all know that at any given moment one of the employees will come up from their smoke break and then all semblance of civility is lost. During one recent episode of this Liz and I were both in the store, without shopping bags so we were carrying what we had in our arms. I was fortunate to see the clerk come up and was able to stay ahead of the throng. Liz however was caught in the scrum of oncoming shoppers and in a moment of desperation tossed me her loaf of bread as if to say, “Don’t mind me, save yourself!” Once you get to the register you are almost done. You hand them your discount card and pray that you weighed your produce correctly…they will send you back if you didn’t! The cashier runs your items through the scanner at lightning speed. You bag all of the items yourself (your really didn’t think they were going to have baggers did you?) trying to keep up with the cascade of groceries without crushing any of the items you just bought. Somehow you keep up with the pace and pay the cashier when they finish handing you the last item...or face the scowls of the cashier and the people in line behind you. Finally you drearily push your cart back to the pick-up line and look at the line in-coming shoppers. Poor chumps.

Learning to walk and other news

This week I thought we would share a bit of family news and let you know what has been going on in the Eck household.

 Naomi has finally taken to her feet and, as you can imagine, is getting into everything. This is both a joy and a bit of a strain, but it has been fun to see her discover a new world of mobility on two feet. She is also gabbing more and has developed a language that only mom can really decipher. She does say a few words consistently, her favorite of which is “horse,” which would make her aunt quite proud. Dealing with the chaos that is parenting has been stressful for us both, but we can also see God’s hand shaping us both in pointing out our selfishness and continued need of him. We are very thankful for his grace and for the privilege of being parents.

We have enjoyed and are looking forward to more visitors this summer. One of Liz’s friends that was stationed in Germany came to visit for Memorial Day weekend. It was the first time we had seen her since the wedding and a wonderful opportunity to catch up and relax over the long weekend. This July a couple of Liz’s college roommates will be coming to visit the same time that Liz’ s Mom and Dad come to Vienna. One of the hardest things about being away is not seeing friends and family so it is a great blessing to have so many visitors this summer.

What Can I Do?

Refugees at "The Oasis"

It was close to 10:30 pm as Matt's cell phone rang.  Since he was out of the room brushing his teeth or something, I picked up the phone from his bedside table and answered it.  "Hello?"  "Hi, how are you?  You doing good?" answered the male, non-native English speaker on the other end.  "Who's this?" I asked, a little leery.  "You don't know me.  I am in Italy.  I have phone number for Austria."  Click.  I hung up without saying anything else, annoyed and convinced it was a prank call.  As Matt walked into the room the phone started ringing again.  "I'll let you answer that," I said, "A crazy person is calling you."  Matt answered the phone, his brow furrowed as he listened to the person on the other end.  Walking out of the room, I heard Matt say, "Yes, I remember you."  "Oh, it's someone Matt knows," I thought, "Now I'm pretty embarrassed about rudely hanging up."

A few minutes later, Matt returned to tell me about the conversation.  It was a man he had met a few weeks before at the Oasis refugee ministry.  At the time, the two of them had had a long conversation about God and Matt had given this man his business card.  Amazingly, through the broken English, Matt was able to understand that this man had not received asylum status in Austria, so had taken the chance to travel to Italy to look for work.  There were no jobs to be found for an illegal immigrant in Italy, so he had pulled out Matt's card, got a hold of a calling card to call internationally, and used the English that he knew to ask Matt if he was aware of anyone in Austria that would hire him (illegally).  Matt had to tell him no, he didn't know of any jobs, and that we would pray for him.

As I sat there processing what I was hearing, I began to weep.  What a desperate situation this man was in!  It seemed like he was reaching out to Matt as a last-ditch effort before possibly getting sent back to his home country which he was fleeing.  And I was touched that God had used Matt to make an impact in this man's life in just one conversation.  I wanted so badly to help this man, to be able to do something, but felt powerless.  "I wish we could do something," I finally said aloud.  "But all we can do is pray," I added, hopelessly.  As I heard my own words verbalized, the light bulb went on.  The first and best thing we can and should do for people is pray!  God doesn't lack the power, creativity and resources to change a hopeless situation.  We've got to trust Him, to run to Him first with all of our worries, problems, and questions--in our lives and in the lives of others.  Ultimately, everyone's biggest need, to be rescued from eternal separation from God, has been provided in Jesus for everyone who believes.  That gift of belief, or faith, requires the power of God to change human hearts.  We can trust the God who changes hearts to be able to provide all of the lesser things in this life as well.

So I rejoice that even when I can't see how things could possibly work out, that I can do something.  I can go straight to the One who can help in all situations.  Thank YOU for laboring with us in prayer!

Walking with Him

Naomi just started consistently walking a couple of weeks ago. I love the determined look on her face as she focuses on taking each step. Sometimes at home she just walks "laps" up and down the hall, around and around the living room. Once I think she did this for 20 minutes straight. Just enjoying walking. Granted, she usually has to be holding something at the same time, but she is focused on the walking. That's a great picture of how I would like to live--simply walking with God and enjoying the journey.

I can get so discouraged when I look around for visible fruit of "my" investing in people. I start to think that I need to come up with the perfect words to speak to a person in a certain situation. That I need to make them see and understand how great it is to walk with God. That I need to see the fruit of my labors in order to make living and working here "worth it." How prideful to think that I have any power in myself to change human hearts, or to think my agenda is more important than God's! How prideful and demanding to want God to show me success in the way I define it, in order for me to be motivated to do what He has called me to do.

What makes everything worth it in this life is the privilege of getting to know Him more and more in every situation. I'm learning that the main thing He is calling me to do is to walk with Him! In the moments that I grasp this, it is very freeing. God is at work, and I can trust that. Only His Holy Spirit can change people. I praise Him that He's changing me! This motivates me to pray for people and to love them as God works through me.

God wants my life be an example of His goodness, and I should first of all ask Him what He wants to teach me and change in me, not how He wants me to solve everyone's problems. This continues to be very humbling for me. It's not the kind of teaching that I had in mind! To really let people into my life means I let them see not only the things He has done, the victories He has won, but also the sin that He is currently cleaning up. Being honest with people by admitting I don't have it all together, that I need God's grace moment by moment, that I struggle with sin--this is painfully humbling to my self--but I know that it glorifies God.

So what is God wanting me to teach people? Nothing...that is, in my own strength. He wants me to humbly walk with Him and allow Him to work in me and through me--for His purposes, His glory, His agenda--and for His people.

In Counseling

My husband and I are celebrating four years of marriage this week. We've talked about how it now feels like we have a little bit of mileage behind us, although four years isn't a long time. Just that we're out of the newlywed stage now and are also learning to be parents. Man, that first 2 weeks of parenthood was SO rough! Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing! Yet in those first two weeks we had to work like a team like never before and I was so thankful to have help! I literally could NOT have survived those weeks without my husband. His voice of reason that contrasted my hormonally-messed-up mind and his ability to calmly problem-solve and come up with a plan were invaluable. It has been a joy and a source of pride to see how God has really helped Matt shine in his new role as a father.

I could go on and on about what a good father Matt is, and maybe I will in another post. In thinking about our four years of marriage, however, one of the things I appreciate most about my husband is how he has counseled me and pointed me towards the gospel. We are currently going through a course on how to counsel people biblically and I am learning the importance of listening well and asking good questions, neither of which I am good at. But these are things that Matt has done well for me, and through these acts of love, God has been changing me, helping me see the root sin issues that are the actual causes of why I act and react the way that I do to life (see James 4:1-10). Most of the time I don't see the root sin immediately. In the moment I may react to Matt in an unloving way or just be "in a mood" and not sure myself what I am feeling and why. But through talking things out with Matt after some time, I am beginning to recognize my ungodly motivations and desires easier and quicker, and am able to ask myself some questions about my motivations and the condition of my heart.

The point is, I've found that when I recognize the root sin, and not just believe that the way I react to life is only the product of factors like emotions, stress, or circumstances, I can gain victory through Christ by confessing the sin (my heart attitude toward God) and allowing Him to work through me to put sin to death, as in the "put off and put on" passages (Ephesians 4:17-5:2; Colossians 3:1-17). I can actually get out of a rut of always reacting a certain way and not knowing why when I let God's truth instruct me and then run to Him for help, instead of trying to improve myself in my own strength and not getting anywhere.

So what are the good questions Matt asks me while he listens? Mostly variations of, "What do you mean?", as I share how I feel and he wants to clarify. Also, "what made you react by doing such and such and how were you hoping to solve things by that? He also re-states what I say to make sure he's hearing me correctly or so that I can explain it better. Most of the time the result is that I realize that I am putting my "kingdom" above God's kingdom, and when I don't get what I want, I react in an ungodly way (see again James 4:1-10). So that's a question I'm trying to start asking myself as I'm deciding how to react: "Whose kingdom am I focused on right now?" When I remember that God's will in every situation is for me to be conformed to the image of Jesus (Romans 8:29), I'm better able to trust Him in the moment and act in a more God-glorifying way.

Proverbs 20:5 states, "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." This is exactly what Matt does when he listens and it is such a blessing to me. As Matt and I continue on this journey together, I too want to grow in loving him by listening well and asking good questions. For a really helpful resource for your own personal reflection, check out David Powlison's X-Ray Questions.